That Lie tho.. “we’re great! IM FINE”

Before coaching, I spent SO much time pretending like I didn’t have sad feelings – sometimes I forget it’s OK to be sad. ๐Ÿ™Said goodbye๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿฝ to my husband for the week. Being in my hometown – actually ๐Ÿ‘€seeing him drive away (like I used to every single Sunday when I lived here) brought back all the feels… that I never truly dealt with … all the times we had to say goodbye doing the long distance marriage ๐Ÿ’”. People would ask me “aren’t you SO SAD?” UH YEh but I didn’t wanna cry all week so I ignored the sad and said “no, were great! IM FINE” I kinda wanted to hide RN but I also think it’s super important to keep it REAL and not only share how I’m feeling when it’s rainbows๐ŸŒˆ and ๐Ÿฆ‹butterflies. I’m human and tonight this made me sad. I’m not good at asking for help or support. I just like to give it. ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ I know my relationship is STRONG now and we are completely different people than we were 4 years ago but man – that doesn’t make goodbyes any easier right?? I’m not crying or anything like that I just feel weird. Part of me wanted to go home and pretend like I wasn’t feeling this but the new logical part of me knows I have to face it, feel the feels, process — and release them so they don’t stay with me and weigh me down forever. It makes me uncomfortable AF to talk about honestly. It’s that “weakness” complex but hey – perceived perfection is NOT relatable or real. I’d never want to be fAke. So tonight I’m allowing myself to be freakin human and feel my feels. Barf sometimes tho. I’m staying with my parents visiting this week while Cody’s gone since he won’t be coming home next weekend and I don’t wanna drive back and fourth. ๐Ÿ˜ So they’re totally taking care of me and my pups ๐Ÿถ๐Ÿถ grateful AF for coaching to NOT have to do the distance thing every week like we used to AND to have the job ๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿผโ€๐Ÿ’ป๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿผโ€โ™€๏ธ๐Ÿ’•and life freedom to decide LAST MIN what I wanna do – not have to ask a boss or anything. I get to choose. That’s all I ever wanted, the ability to control my own life schedule. Going to bed early to get up early tomorrow and CRUSH my home fitness program with my online accountability group to start the week off right, boost mood and stay on track!


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